Deeper Than Crying
by Elsandra
Summary: Chp. 2 Up. Some of the men of the 55 deal with the loss of coworkers
1. Default Chapter

                            **Deeper than Crying**

                                                                                                by Elsandra  2004

_Disclaimer:  I don't own them, I just play with them then put them back  They're owned by Warner Brothers and were created by John Wells and Ed Bernero.  Some of the dialogs used  in this story were taken from the episodes "The Price of Nobility" and  "The Truth and Other Lies" written by Edward Bernero and "My Opening Farewell" written by Scott Williams._

_Liz Magnuson is an original character created by the author and cannot be used without permission._

_Neither wants to be the one to say goodbye_

_And neither wants to be the one who's left to cry…_

_            ~Alison Krauss +Union Station_

_            ~Written by Mark Simos_

            A headache was just starting to form behind his temples as Sully left roll call.  He headed towards the front desk while Ty hurried off to get some equipment.  He was startled when he heard Ty call, "Sully!"

            His partner threw him a flashlight which he deftly caught.  His voice and face registered his surprise of seeing Yokas behind the counter as he said, "What the hell are you doing on the front desk today?"

            Faith shuffled papers as she looked at him.  "Oh, I'm sort of a floater right now, I'm looking for a new regular partner."  At his frown she added, "But I'll be back on the street as soon as possible."

            ***Five Five Charlie***

            "Don't I get to read the paper or take a dump?" groused Sully before he grabbed his portable.  "Charlie."

            ***Charlie, take a multiple vehicle traffic accident at Martin Luther King to one seven three.  Plain clothes officers are on scene with EMS and FDNY responding***

            Sully scowled.  "Faith, what the hell are plain clothes officers doing on the scene?"

            Turning from where she was putting some files back on a shelf, Faith answered, "There was a chase while you were in roll call, anti crime. Apparently they were no longer chasing when the accident occurred."

            Snorting, Sully grumbled, "Yeah, right."  As he turned to leave he acknowledged the call, "Five Five Charlie, King and one seven three, 10-4."

            He went out the door, his mood turning fouler with every step he took.

            Walsh and DK were putting equipment away on the engine with the others when Lt. Johnson came out of the bay.  "Attention, Ladies!"

            "Easy, Boss," replied Alex, "These are no ladies."

            "My apologies to you actual ladies," Johnson stated, causing some of the crew to snicker.  Johnson continued his announcement, "Out of over twelve hundred paramedics in our fair city, twelve have been selected for promotion .  For the third year in a row, number one on the list-"  

            He pointed to Doc standing behind him as the crew called out, "Doc Parker!"

            Walsh had paused in putting away a multi purpose hook to come stand behind Kim and Alex.  DK joined them as Lt. Johnson continued his speech.

            "But wait, wait, wait!"  Raising his hand to make his point, Johnson went on.  "There's a first timer coming in at number thirteen. An alternate in case some of the other twelve don't accept, none other than Kim Zambrano!"

            Kim looked up from the form she was signing on a clipboard Carlos was holding.  "What?"

            The others cried out their congratulations as DK reached over to pat Kim on the back.  Walsh watched as Alex gave her a quick squeeze.  The whole crew was smiling, including Lt. Johnson.

            The loud speaker activated.  ***Squad five five, Adam and Boy five five three, multiple vehicle accident with injuries and a fire at Martin Luther King and One Seven Three***

            Everyone started scrambling to put the equipment away before they headed out.  Walsh came walking back to the engine as Lt. Johnson said to Alex, "Taylor, you're on the bus."

            At her look of disbelief  he added, "You're riding with number one over here."

            "Why is it always me?" groaned Alex.

            "Because you're the one with the delicate touch, little lady," Walsh quipped as he passed her, patting her on the back.  In return she swatted him in the arm.  He hurried around the engine to climb aboard.

            Sully's headache wasn't getting any better because of the siren wailing as they headed to the accident scene.  Ty was driving so Sully got a good look before they climbed out of the squad.  Sully groaned.  "We're the paper car on this?"

            "That's what they said."  He and Ty headed over to Bosco to be briefed.

            "Hey, Sully, the worst is a guy pinned under the Bronco over there," Bosco said as he pointed to his far right.

            Giving Bosco a hard look, Sully growled, "Was this a chase?"

            Bosco tried to look innocent.  "It wasn't by the time the accident happened."

            Sully's frown deepened.  "At least not officially."

            Starting to walk away, Bosco called over his shoulder, "It's a long story."

            "And I'm the one who's gotta write it up!" Sully exclaimed before he moved off to start gathering info on the injured.

            A short time later he saw a bus pull up and Doc climb out.  He called out to the paramedic. "Davis is with a guy who is pinned under this SUV over here," he pointed to his right, "He's drifting in and out of consciousness."

            Kim and Carlos had rushed up just in time to hear him.  "We'll take that," Kim stated before they hurried off.

            Sully pointed to another vehicle.  "The  flipped over car has got a guy in it whose got some windshield in his face, some glass in his eyes, but basically he's okay.  There's an elderly couple in a Lincoln on the other side of the black Chevy-" Alex joined them, handing Doc a bag of equipment as they started walking, "-they've got some minor cuts and bleeding but they're gonna need some extrication as soon as your guys can put out that car fire."

            "Our **guys**?" grumbled Alex as she pushed between them, shooting Doc a look before hurrying away.

            "Hello to you too!" shot back Sully.

            Doc tried to smooth things over. "She doesn't want to be on the bus," he stated as he walked away.

            Frowning, Sully stated, "Well, I don't want to write up a six car accident but we all have our crosses, right?"

            He ambled over to watch Kim and Carlos treat the guy under the SUV.

            As the engine pulled up, DK gave out a low whistle at the sight before them.  Lt. Johnson started giving orders the minute his feet hit the ground.  "Ramsey, Walsh, get the hose, put some water on that Chevy."

            DK saw him look around before the lieutenant pointed at Alex who was perched on the trunk of the burning car.  "Taylor, get off that car!"  Lt. Johnson glanced at DK.  "DK, Jericho, check this guy out who's pinned.  Tell me what we need."

            Shaking his head at the mess, DK headed over to Kim and Carlos with Jericho to figure out how to get the poor bastard out.

            Walsh was watching Ramsey trying to open the hood of the black Chevy.  "You can't open a hood?"

            Ramsey grunted.  "I can't get ahold of the damn latch!"

            "And you're supposed to help me change my oil this weekend?" teased Walsh as he waited, nozzle at the ready for when the hood was up.  Ramsey just shot him a look before trying again.

            DK was getting the airbags ready for inflation when the guy pinned under the SUV stated he was cold.

            "You're cold?"  Carlos bent over the guy.  "We'll get you out of here any second."

            DK heard Lt. Johnson call out, "Carlos."  He looked up to see the lieutenant hand the paramedic his turnout coat before asking, "All set, guys?"

            "Looks good," DK replied, looking up at his boss then back at the bags.

            "We're ready," added Kim.

            "Alright, DK, let her rip."

            Starting the pump, DK listened to the hiss as the bags rose followed by the groaning metal of the car.  "Alright, he's clear!" hollered Carlos.  "Ready, one, two, three!" he counted before Kim and he pulled the guy onto a backboard.

            As he was making sure the victim was completely clear, DK heard Lt. Johnson mutter, "Dammit" before he called out, "Taylor, didn't I tell you to get down from there?  Get down now!"

            Alex's reply was, "I'm alright, I'm alright!"

            "The hell you are!"  

            "I'm still working on this couple!"

            "I'm not going to tell you again!"

            DK had busied himself with getting the equipment together when something exploded nearby.  Everyone took cover, ducking down on the pavement.  As chaos reigned, DK could hear the screams of pain and fear everywhere.

            Sully was helping Doc with a patient when the explosion happened.  He ducked down, covering his face from the blast so he only heard a thump nearby then screaming.  He looked over to see Lt. Johnson on the ground, writhing and screaming, as his clothes burned on his body.  Doc and Sully rushed to the lieutenant's side, trying to put out the flames.

            Once the flames were out Doc started treating Johnson.  He was calling out for Alex when DK joined them while Sully carried a medic bag over to the paramedic.  "I need my partner!" Doc yelled.

"She's probably helping somebody," stated Sully as he crouched down.  "Tell me what to do."

            "Go in the back of the bus, alright, and get me a burn kit."  Sully started hurrying away as he heard Doc call out, "Bottom cabinet on the left!"

            Reaching the bus, Sully paused to get his bearings before he pulled open the doors.  He hoisted himself onto the bumper, looking to his left for the cabinet Doc said the kit was in.  He opened the door, finding what he needed on the first try.  He hurried back over to Doc and DK.  "This it?"

            "Yeah, yeah."  Doc motioned to him, "Give me the c-collar, take the blanket out."

            As Sully was opening the burn kit he saw DK was trying to cradle Johnson's head in his hands.  The lieutenant was moaning about how bad it hurt, thrashing around in pain.

            "You seen Taylor?" Doc asked him.

            Shaking his head as he unfolded the blanket, Sully answered, "Doc, there's a lot going on on the other side.  They're still trying to get the fire out."

            "I bet I know where she is," Doc stated as they continued treating Lt. Johnson.

Walsh wasn't completely sure what had happened.  Ramsey had finally gotten the latch unhooked and pushed up the hood, causing them to be hit with a blast of heat that made them both dive to the side.  As they reeled away from the car it exploded, almost knocking them off their feet.  Walsh could hear everyone yelling but he concentrated on turning on the nozzle, putting water on the car burning in front of him, Ramsey holding the hose for him.  They didn't have the time to worry about their coworkers just then.

            DK felt like he was in the middle of a nightmare as he helped Doc treat Lt. Johnson.  Lieu was delirious with pain and, no matter how gently DK touched him, he screamed in agony.  They had finished strapping him to a back board with Sully holding the IV when Carlos went by.

            "Carlos!" Doc called.

            "I need to get this guy with the crushed leg moving, Doc," Carlos answered, not stopping.

            "Is Taylor working with you?"

            DK saw Carlos stop dead in his tracks. "What?"

            "Taylor.  I don't know where she is."   

            His stomach clenching at the look on Carlos' face, DK watched as Carlos answered, "Doc, you don't-"

            "What?" Doc interrupted.

            Carlos struggled, "Doc, she's…uh…"

            "What?  Did you give her CPR?"

            "Doc, she's-"

            "Did you clear her airway?"

            "She's gone!"

            "What are her vitals?"

            "She's gone!"

            "What are her vitals?" screamed Doc in disbelief.

            "Sorry."  Carlos swallowed hard.

            "Breathing, bleeding, airway…"

            "There was nothing to be done," Carlos stated quietly.

            DK felt his heart stop at Carlos' words.  He grimaced in pain before bowing his head, not wanting to believe what he had just heard.  He heard Sully call out, "Doc! Doc!  We got to get the lieutenant to the hospital."

            He looked up as Doc joined them again.  DK helped lift the lieutenant onto the stretcher but the motions were automatic, his mind had gone numb.  As they rushed the stretcher towards the waiting ambulance he saw Walsh off to the side so he called out, "Billy!"

            He barely registered the look of shock on Walsh's face as they lifted the stretcher with its precious cargo inside.  He heard Doc yell, "Walsh, I need you to drive.  DK, get in the back with me."

            Doing as he was ordered, DK clambered up into the back of the ambulance.  He vaguely heard the front doors of the bus open and shut as he followed Doc's commands.  When the back doors banged shut it felt like the door to his heart slammed shut with them.

            Sully tried really hard to keep his eyes from looking at the gurney in front of him.  He'd wanted to give Alex a proper escort and Kim needed a ride to Alex's mom's house so he'd told Ty to take her in the rmp while he went in the ambulance to the hospital.  Now, with the smell of blood in the air and the bright red stain on the sheet, Sully almost wished he'd gone with Ty. Almost.

            That the body of someone he considered a friend was under the sheet in front of him was just one more hurt Sully had to store in his heart.  He and Alex had shared a few alone moments since he'd met her, many of them when they felt like outsiders to what was going on at the moment.  He remembered when she'd played elf to his Santa the day he took Stan's toys to the YMCA after Doherty's wedding.  She'd gotten along so well with the kids and he'd enjoyed watching her, she was almost a kid herself that day.  The good feelings had carried over to the wedding reception where he'd managed to get her to dance a slow one with him which she reciprocated by getting him to boogie to a fast song later. Now Alex wouldn't dance again.

            The adrenaline from the aftermath of the explosion was wearing off and Sully's headache was returning.  He was glad they were going in Code Two, lights only, because the siren would have only made it worse.  He looked to the front of the of the bus where two firefighters were driving, two he wasn't familiar with.  Carlos was in the back with him, sitting in the jump seat, also avoiding looking at the gurney.  Sully wanted to say something to Carlos but he knew there was nothing he could say, nothing to change what had happened.  

            Walsh tried to force himself to focus on the road ahead of him, not on what was  happening behind him.  He knew they were all counting on him to get to the hospital fast but safely and he was doing his damnedest to deliver. He let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding when he pulled up to the hospital.

            Ramsey had also come along and he rushed around back to pull open the doors.  DK and Doc jumped out, pulling out the stretcher, as Walsh joined them.  They turned the stretcher towards the doors before starting their mad dash inside, the lieutenant going in head first.  Walsh was startled when Lt. Johnson grabbed his hand but Walsh didn't let go the whole way in.

            "Forty-eight year old male with probable full thickness burns over face, hands, and chest," called out Doc.  "BP 134 over 92, we've got sixteen megs on board…"

            Walsh tuned Doc out, concentrating on the hand gripping his.  When they were in the treatment cubicle he helped lift Lt. Johnson onto the treatment table.  It was only when a nurse pushed her way in between him and the table that Walsh let go of Lt. Johnson's hand.  He walked out with DK and Ramsey, turning around as the door slid shut.  He raised his hand to the glass, wanting to feel that grip on it again.

            Doc looked at them standing there before something behind them caught his attention.  They all turned to see another stretcher coming in, accompanied by Nieto, another paramedic, two firefighters, and Sullivan.  As the gurney was wheeled by them they could see the bright crimson stain of blood soaking through the sheet which covered Taylor's body.

            Walsh watched them take her away through another door as the hurt started burrowing down deep inside him. He heard Doc ask, "Where's Kim?"

            Ramsey answered, "Davis took her to notify Taylor's mother."

            Before the door closed Sully turned towards them, his look of sadness echoing what they were feeling. Walsh watched the door close slowly after Sully followed their fallen comrade.


	2. Chapter 2

_And tears fall like rain_

_Deeper than crying the loving still remains_

                -_Alison Krauss + Union Station_

_            ~Written by Mark Simos_

            Officer Liz Magnuson pulled off her helmet as she rushed through the emergency room doors.  She'd received an urgent call from John Sullivan, asking her to meet him at the morgue as soon as possible, not telling her why.  As soon as she had hung up the phone she'd grabbed her leather coat and helmet and tore off on her Harley, her heart beating a tattoo in her chest.  The only thing Sully would tell her was Ty, Faith, and Lt. Swersky were fine, not very reassuring.  Not knowing what had happened, she didn't even glance at the firefighters in the waiting room as she hurried through, pushing her hair out of her eyes as she pulled open the door to the hall leading to the morgue.

Liz was even more puzzled when she looked in the window of the morgue door and saw Carlos Nieto with Sully.  Sully had his hand on the young man's shoulder and appeared to be trying to reason with the paramedic.  As she pushed open the door she heard Sully say, "Carlos, you know there was nothing anyone could do for her.  Doc's upset, he doesn't blame you."

Sully must have caught the door opening in his peripheral vision because he turned towards her before Liz could say anything.  "Liz, thank god you're here," he said as he walked to over to her, pulling her into a tight hug.  

"I came as fast as I could, John," she stated quietly, still not knowing what was going on. After a moment she pulled back to look Sully in the face.  "What's happened?  Why are you so upset?"

"Did you see the news tonight?" he asked.

"Some. Why?"  
            "Did you see a report on the accident where two emergency workers were hurt?"  
            "Yeah."  
            "Well, one of them was Alex Taylor.  She died, Liz."

Liz froze, grabbing Sully's arms tightly.  "Who was the other one?"

"Lt. Johnson."  
            Liz let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding.  _Thank god it wasn't DK or Walsh, _she thought then mentally kicked herself.  _That's a hell of a thing to think right now._  Liz looked at Carlos.  He was standing with his head bowed, his hand still on a sheet covered gurney where a lot of blood had soaked into the sheet.  Liz moved slowly to Carlos' side, reaching out to touch his arm gently.  "Carlos, I'm sorry."

"So am I," he stated flatly.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"  
            "Only if you can bring her back."

Liz didn't know what to say, she didn't know Carlos very well.  She did understand pain and grief though so she didn't even have to think about what she did next.  She wrapped her arms around  Carlos' stiff body, standing on tip-toe to hug him.  At first Carlos just stood there, bewildered that she was this close to him, but he soon wrapped his arms around her and held on tight.  Liz just rubbed his back in silence, letting him decide when he needed to end the embrace.  As he pulled back she kissed him softly on the cheek.  Carlos looked at her in surprise while she gave him a look full of compassion.  "If there is anything I can do, let me know," Liz stated before moving back to Sully's side.  

As Liz grasped his hand, Sully said, "Let's get some coffee."  They headed towards the door with Sully stopping before he opened it.  "Carlos, are you coming?"  
            Shaking his head, Carlos said so quietly they almost didn't hear him, "No, I don't want to leave her alone yet."

"Okay, can I bring you something?"  
            "No, I'm fine."

Sully just grunted then pulled the door open, ushering Liz out into the hall.  When they'd moved out of earshot of the morgue Liz stopped Sully.  "John, what happened?"

Sighing, Sully told her the whole story of the chase, the accident, the explosion, what had happened to Alex and Lt. Johnson, and bringing Alex's body in.  "It was the damndest thing, Johnson has just told Taylor to get off the car for the second time when it blew.  If she'd done what she was told she might still be here."

"You don't know that, something else may have happened to her if she had gotten down.  It must have been her time, as sad as it is to say."

Sully frowned at her.  "I don't believe that, she was way too young."

Liz took both of his hands in hers.  "Now's not the time to argue about it.  Let's go get you that coffee and I want to find Walsh and DK."  
            "Okay."  Sully wrapped his arm around her shoulders while she slipped an arm around his waist as they headed towards the waiting room.

Walsh was sitting with his head in his hands.  He could still remember how hard Lt. Johnson was holding his hand when they were wheeling him into the ER, how much pain Lieu was still in despite the meds Doc had given him.  

Walsh still wasn't sure how he'd managed to drive the ambulance to the hospital.  The whole way in all he could think of was Lieu, he wouldn't even let himself think about Alex.  He couldn't get the image out of his mind of when Nieto and Sullivan wheeled the gurney holding her body past them to head to the morgue.  He knew he was having a hard time holding it together, he didn't know how DK was doing it.  Alex and DK had been pretty close, maybe even more than Alex and Jimmy had been.  Then there was Kim, lord knew what this was going to do to her.  Alex had become Kim's best friend after Bobby died and Kim hadn't taken that death well, how was she going to handle this one?

He was startled out of his thoughts when he felt two hands grasp his knees.  He looked down into the worried face of Liz Magnuson who was crouched in front of him.  Liz didn't say anything, she just pulled his head to her shoulder, stroking his hair.  Walsh buried his face in her neck, wishing she could take away the images still swirling in his brain.  He felt the tears starting to leak out and he fought them with all his might.  If he let them go now he knew he wouldn't stop and he couldn't handle falling apart in front of his coworkers.  

Walsh pulled back from Liz, ducking his head to quickly wipe the few tears that had escaped off his cheeks.  Liz didn't say anything, she just reached up to wipe the moisture from her neck, rubbing it into her jeans before taking his hand in hers.  "How's Lt. Johnson?" she asked quietly.

"We really don't know yet, the docs are still working on him.  It doesn't look good, he was burned pretty bad."

"Where's DK?"  
            Walsh looked around the waiting room but didn't see the firefighter anywhere.  He shrugged.  "I dunno."  
            "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can get you and the others?"

"Unless you can give us good news about Lieu there's nothin' anyone can do."

Liz leaned forward to kiss Walsh's forehead. As she stood she reached out to smooth his hair, having mussed it earlier.  She gave a small smile when the front of his dark blonde hair dropped back down on his forehead, resisting her attempts to tame it.  "I'm gonna go find DK."

Walsh just nodded.  Liz squeezed his hand one last time before letting go, heading out of the waiting room to search for his missing coworker.

Liz found DK sitting on a bench by himself down the hall, his head bowed and his hands clasped between his knees.  She walked up as quietly as she could, not wanting to startle him.  "DK?" she said softly when she was standing in front of him.  He looked up, his eyes full of despair.  When he realized who was standing in front of him he reached out to pull her closer, burying his head in her midsection as he wrapped his arms around her legs.

"She's gone, Liz.  My god, she's gone and never coming back!" he croaked, fighting the tears so hard his body was trembling.  

Liz gently ran her fingers through his short hair, wrapping her other arm around his shoulders.  "I  know, Derek, I know and I'm so sorry," she whispered.  She gently held him, kissing the top of his head.  After a while he released her, taking her hand and tugging on it to make her sit beside him.  He bowed his head again, wiping at his eyes with his free hand.

Just when Liz thought he wasn't going to say anything else he asked, "Any word on Lieu?"  
            "No, Walsh said the doctor's hadn't been out with any updates yet."

DK nodded, squeezing her hand.  "He was in so much pain," he said so quietly that Liz had to lean in to hear him.  "I helped Doc and Sully treat him right afterwards.  Lieu couldn't lay still, I was having  a hard time holding his head without hurting him more."  
            Taking in a deep breath he continued, "Then Carlos told us about Alex.  Even through all the pain I think Lieu heard him.  If he can think at all right now I bet he's blaming himself because he didn't physically pull her off that car when she refused to get down.  The idiot!  Why didn't she listen?  Why?"

"I don't know, Derek."

They sat in silence for awhile, Liz gently stroking his hand in hers  Finally DK asked, "How'd you know to come down?"

"Sully called me though he didn't tell me what had happened.  Then he told what had happened but not who was hurt and I almost had a heart attack until he told me it wasn't you or Walsh."  Liz got a stricken look on her face.  "I don't mean it was good that Lieutenant Johnson got hurt, I was just very relieved it wasn't you two."

"I knew what you meant."  DK sighed.  "Have you seen Billy?"

"Yeah, I talked to him before I came to find you."

"How's he holding up?"

"About the same as you."

"That bad, huh?"

"I think you're both doing pretty good, considering. I'd be an emotional train wreck."

Giving her a ghost of a smile, DK stated, "I doubt that, you've already proven you're made of pretty tough stuff."

Liz held up her right arm.  "Obviously not tough enough.  Wanna get something to drink?"

"A cup of coffee would be good."

"Let's go, handsome."

They stood, DK stopping Liz to pull her into an embrace.  After a moment he pulled back.  "Thanks for being here."

"I wouldn't be any where else."

Sully was going to go find Ty and head back to the house when he saw a gurney sail through the entrance, medical crew working frantically on a patient.  He didn't really pay any attention until he saw Bosco walk in with blood all over his hands and a dazed look  on his face.  Lt. Swersky came hurrying in right behind him to usher the plain clothed officer into the lounge area, just exchanging a look with Sully and shaking his head.

While he was recovering from his shock he saw another gurney come in, this one at a slower pace.  Another wave of surprise washed over him when he saw the patient was Sgt. Cruz, a bloody bandage wrapped around her forehead.  After he watched her being wheeled into a treatment room he went to find his partner.

Walsh couldn't sit anymore.  When he was still his thoughts whirled through his brain like a hurricane, as chaotic as the accident scene had been earlier.  He remembered watching Ramsey trying to get the hood open on the car they were working on, teasing the guy when he couldn't find the latch.  When they did finally get the latch and the hood opened the nightmare had begun.  

Lt. Johnson had been yelling at someone but since it wasn't him, Walsh had just ignored his commander.  After he and Ramsey picked themselves up after the explosion, their focus had been on getting the car fire out.  He'd seen DK helping pull out an elderly couple from the car next to the one he was working on so he knew his friend was okay and he'd assumed everyone else was.  He didn't know about Alex until Kim had told him, moments before he saw Lt. Johnson being put into an ambulance.  His heart had stopped with Kim's words and it had started to hurt when he saw Johnson.  Now it felt like it was burning, just like the car had earlier which had caused all this heartbreak.

DK was surprised when the Battalion Chief pulled him and Logan aside not long after more of the brass had arrived.  "Kitson, Logan, you two are the most senior firefighters in the squad," BC Piper stated as he crossed his arms over his chest.  "Do you feel the squad needs to be stood down for a shift?"

DK and Logan exchanged glances before Logan finally said, "It might be a good idea since we don't know when we'll get out of here."

Nodding in agreement, BC Piper stated, "Consider it done.  Will you tell the rest of the squad and notify anyone who was not on shift today?"

"Sure thing, Chief," agreed DK.

"We'll have at least an acting supervisor in place by your next shift."

"Yes, sir."

Logan and DK watched BC Piper walk away before they looked at each other again.  Nodding towards the BC's retreating back Logan asked, "Who do you think it'll be?"

Shrugging, DK replied, "I don't know.  Think they'll go internal by seniority?"  
            "If they do I don't want it," stated Logan.

"Me neither."

"Guess we'll be stuck with who ever they give us if it's from the outside.  What about Walsh?"

"Beats me."

"Let's go find the rest and tell them.  We'll worry about the rest later."  They headed back to the waiting area, DK giving Logan's shoulder a squeeze as they walked.

Sully's headache had gotten worse, not better, though the coffee with Liz earlier had helped.  He didn't even know where she was now, she'd gone to find Lt. Swersky earlier after he'd told her about Faith.  He hoped Bosco didn't cross her path anytime soon, the look on Liz's face had scared even him.  

Now, he was babysitting Fred.  He'd managed to get security to calm down and let him take Faith's angry husband into a waiting room. As he came into the room with a cup of coffee he glanced at his partner who was sitting down, as were two fire personnel across the room.  He crossed the room to Fred, who was looking up at a television showing the accident seen but Sully could tell Fred wasn't really watching it.  "Some coffee, Fred?"  
            Fred shook is head, waving it off.  Sully continued, "Look, I smoothed it over with security about the IV thing but you're gonna need to keep your cool down here."   Fred didn't answer.  "Fred?"

Fred kept staring at the TV, ignoring Sully, until they heard a female voice behind them.  "Mr. Yokas?"

As he and Sully turned to her, the doctor walked over to them.  "Hi."  She motioned to a door near them.  "Would you step in here for a minute please."

Fred followed the doctor into the room as Sully and Ty exchanged a look.  They'd both noted the blood on the front of the doctor's scrubs and  weren't encouraged as they followed Fred into the other room.  The doctor was looking at Fred.  "She's stabilized but your wife was seriously wounded.  The bullet entered her upper chest but didn't exit so it's there, resting against her spine."

Fred's face showed his shock as he echoed quietly, "Her spine?"

The doctor tried to look reassuring.  "I've looked at the pictures and it doesn't seem to have damaged it.  But she has a collapsed lung and she needs surgery."

Nodding, Fred said, "I want the best, the best surgeon-"

"The best thoracic surgeon in the country's on route here in a police car," interrupted the doctor.  "She's in the right place."

Sully was startled when Nurse Proctor put a hand on his arm,  he'd been concentrating on the doctor's words so much he hadn't heard her approach.  Proctor moved to take the doctor's soiled lab coat as she removed it while talking to Fred.

"Can I see her?" Fred asked.

"We're gonna finish prepping her then Mary will, uh, come get you."

Proctor patted Fred on the arm.  "As soon as I can, darling."

"Thanks." 

Proctor gave Sully a look he couldn't decipher as she left the room, the doctor trailing her.  Sully turned back to Fred when the man growled, "How the hell did this happen?

Giving them both a hard look he continued, "She was working the desk, in the station.  I talked to her twice, she was bringing ice cream home."

Sully and Ty both wore blank looks, neither knowing the answer.  "I don't know how it happened, Fred," Sully said quietly.

"How can you not know?  Are you cops?" Fred spat.

"We were here, on another job," mumbled Ty.

"Who does know what happened?" cried Fred as he pushed between them, heading for the door.  

"Bosco's in with the boss right now," Sully called out to him.

Fred stopped dead in his tracks, whirling around with a look of almost hatred in his eyes.  "Bosco," he hissed.  "Bosco's involved in this?"

Neither officer said anything more, knowing it would just anger Fred more.  After a moment of silence Fred walked away.  

"Fred!" Sully called but Faith's husband ignored him.  Sully and Ty exchanged worried glances before moving to sit down in the waiting room again.

Walsh was standing outside Lt. Johnson's cubicle, talking with Logan and some other firefighters from station 86, when Doc walked out of the treatment room with the attending physician.  Walsh could hear Lieu's moans of pain coming from inside but not Doc's conversation with the doctor.  He could see from Doc's facial expression that the man wasn't receiving good news.  Walsh looked away but found his eyes kept drifting back to Doc's face, searching for a sign of hope.  He didn't find one.

Sully was getting frustrated.  He and Ty were sitting in a darkened waiting room, waiting on news about either Yokas or Johnson.  They sat in separate rows,  backs to each other, about three chairs apart.  Finally the silence became too much for Sully and he turned to his partner, "How are you holding up over there?"

Ty sat staring at his hands.  "Me?" he asked as he turned to look at Sully.

"Yeah. I mean you and Taylor were…" he trailed off, not sure how to continue.  Ty looked away from him.  "I mean…right?"

"That's past history, man."

"That doesn't mean you don't care."

Ty didn't answer him, he just stared straight ahead.  Kim came into the room.  "Davis, can you help me get Mrs. Taylor home?  She's finished."

Ty looked from Kim to Sully.  Sully motioned for him to leave.  "Go ahead, we're not going anywhere for a while."

Kim and Ty left in silence, leaving Sully behind shaking his head.  He took a deep breath, letting it burst out through pursed lips, before he just waited.

DK couldn't hang out near Lt. Johnson's treatment room any longer.  His superiors cries of pain were like  needles stabbing him and he felt himself going numb to deal with it.  He'd told Walsh and Ramsey about what the BC had told him while Logan went in search of Doherty, Jericho, and the others.  He'd been shocked when Walsh told him about Faith Yokas being shot and the scene her husband had created in the ER while he and Liz had been off getting something to drink.  He didn't know where Liz was, she'd wandered off looking for someone when the BC had pulled him aside.

Looking around at all the tense faces in the waiting area, DK knew he had to get out of there, just for few minutes.  He went to find  Walsh to tell his friend where he'd be in case he was needed or Liz was looking for him.

Sully had been tracked down by another officer who told him Lt. Swersky wanted him in the lounge.  Wondering who the day could get any worse, he made his way there.  Opening the door he found Swersky standing in front of Bosco, hands on hips, a typical lieutenant pose.  "You wanted to see me, boss?"  
            "I need you to watch over Bosco, I have to make some phone calls," Swersky stated as he walked out the door.

Not believing what his ears heard, Sully exchanged looks with Bosco before going after Swersky.  "Watch over him?"

"Guard him, do not let him out of your sight."

"Why?"

Sully was stunned when Swersky laid into him, his voice so forceful Sully almost stepped back.  "Can't you for once do something without questioning it?"

"I just wanted-"

"Damn it, Sullivan!" Swersky exploded. "How 'bout we pretend that you're the cop and I'm your platoon commander!  Now stay with him until I get back!"

It had been awhile since Sully had seen Swersky so riled and it cowed him.  "Yes, sir."

Swersky walked off and Sully blew out his breath again before walking back into the room to do as he was ordered.

Walsh and Doc filled Jimmy in when he arrived at the hospital.  They were standing outside Johnson's room when Mrs. Johnson came rushing out, holding a tissue to her eyes.  They could hear the lieutenant's moans of pain so Doc and Jimmy went in to comfort him.   Walsh stood by the door, hearing Lieu beg for Jimmy and Doc to help him.  It broke Walsh's heart and he had to walk away.

Sully was dumbfounded by the story Bosco told him about what happened in the hotel room.  He was watching Bosco watch the rain coming down outside the window.  "Man, I knew she was a bitch but I didn't think she'd do anything like that."

Bosco continued to look out the window. "I was sleeping with her and I was fooled.  How's that for stupid?"

A retort popped into Sully's mind but he decided to keep it to himself.  As he crossed his arms across his chest he said, "You don't seem too rattled considering the can of  crap you just stepped in."      

"As long as Faith is alright I don't care what happens to me."

"That's a dangerous attitude to have when it comes to NYPD."  Sully looked back up when Bosco turned around.

"I have to go see her," he said as he started walking past Sully.

"No can do, Bosco," Sully stated as he stood.

"All I want to do is check on her.  It's my partner, Sul.  You know how it is."

"I'm sorry."

"He said keep an eye on me, fine, you can come with me."  They eyed each other for a moment.  "Please," Bosco pleaded softly.

Sully felt himself soften and he finally just said, "Alright."

They went out the door to find Proctor.

DK was surprised when Walsh walked up beside him, the other firefighter hadn't wanted to leave the area around Johnson's treatment room for a minute earlier.  Walsh leaned against the ambulance, crossing his arms over his chest, but remained quiet.  DK finally spoke, unable to take the silence any longer.  "How's Lieu doing?"

"No change."

Turning to see his friends face, DK then asked, "How are you doing?"

Walsh shrugged. "Okay."

"Did you finally talk to Mandy?"  
            "Yeah.  I left a message the first time letting her know I was okay, she was out to dinner with coworkers.  I talked to her about half an hour ago."

"She coming home?"

"I told her not to."

"Why?"  
            "She needs this training to be promoted, we could use the money from a promotion, it's better she stay there."

DK scrutinized Walsh's face and saw through the words.  He could see his friend needed the comfort of his wife as much as DK realized he needed Liz's.  He hoped his friend wouldn't regret his decision. "Let's go in," he said quietly.

Walsh just nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets.  They went back in, 

Sully wasn't feeling like he made the right decision as they headed towards where Fred was supposed to be waiting.  Bosco rounded the corner before him and he heard Bosco ask, "Fred, have you heard anything?"

Seeing the look of pure rage on Fred's face when he turned around, Sully knew this could only turn out badly.  "Is she still in surgery?" Bosco pressed on.  "Is she alright?"

When Fred didn't answer Bosco looked at Faith's daughter.  "Emmy?"

Fred pulled Emily behind him.  "What happened to her?" he asked, the steel edge of fury in his voice.

"Look, Fred, it's best I don't say too much right now, not until I talk to her."

Fred wouldn't let it go.  "How did my wife get shot with you when she was supposed to be working inside?" he growled.  Sully inched a little bit closer.

"I'm taking care of it, Fred," Bosco stated quietly, trying to calm the man in front of him. "Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?" Fred whispered.  He pointed to Emily.  "What about my daughter, huh, Bosco?  She's worried about it.  What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Look, Fred, alright.  I was in a jam and she was helping me…"

Sully saw Fred move before Bosco did.  "You son of a bitch!" Fred cried as he grabbed Bosco by his shirt front.  Before Sully could stop him, Fred threw Bosco up against a window, shattering the glass.  Sully could hear Emily yelling in the background as he moved to separate them.  "Hey! Hey!"

"It's always you!" Fred was screaming at Bosco before he hauled off and punched him.

Sully finally got his hands on Fred, pulling him off Bosco and pushing him against the wall.  "Hand behind your back!" he barked.

"You leave my family alone!" yelled Fred.

"Shut up!" ordered Sully, slamming Fred against the wall again for emphasis.  "If you wanna be here to see Faith when she gets out of surgery you're gonna take a deep breath and back off."  He turned the furious man around to face him.  "Because if you don't, you're gonna spend the rest of tonight in lock up.

Pointing his finger in Fred's face he finished, "You hear me?"

Fred nodded mutely in agreement but his nostrils still flared with anger.  Sully turned to look at Bosco on the floor before looking back at Fred. "Are you okay, Bosco?"

Keeping his eyes on the angry man in front of him, Sully couldn't see how Bosco was but he heard it in Bosco's voice when he replied, "I'm sorry, Fred."

Hearing Bosco walk away, Sully started to relax his grip.  Fred turned his head to say, "You come near my family again, Bosco, I'll kill you."

"Hey, Fred, you're done!" barked Sully, pushing on the man's shoulder to get his attention.

Fred glanced at him before turning back to Bosco, his hatred plain on his face.  "You hear me, I'll kill you."

Bosco didn't reply but stood silently for a moment before turning to go.  Sully shook his finger in warning at Fred before following.

Walsh and DK walked back over to where Jimmy stood outside Lt. Johnson's room, having been talking to other firefighters from a different station after they came back in from outside. DK patted Jimmy on the back as he walked by, taking up a post on the other side of the doorway.

"Guys, I'm really sorry I wasn't there," Jimmy stated, the misery in his voice clear to them both.

Walsh walked up to put his hand on Jimmy's shoulder.  "Listen, you had the night off."

"No, I should have been there with you!" 

DK shook his head.  "You can't be working all the time, Jimmy."    

At that moment Doc walked up. "Medivac here yet?"  
            "Yeah, Ginny's in there getting him ready," Jimmy answered. 

As Doc moved to open the door it flung open, Mrs. Johnson hurrying out.  "Mrs. Johnson!" Jimmy called out.  She stopped but didn't turn around.  "If there's anything we can do…" he trailed off.

Mrs. Johnson turned around slowly as she peeled off her gloves.  In a trembling voice she asked, "Can you tell me why?"  
            All four men gave her a stunned looks.  Jimmy finally inquired, "Excuse me?"

As she ripped her gown off in choppy, angry movements, Mrs. Johnson said, "You wanna do something for me, Jimmy?"

"Yeah, if I can."  
            "Then tell me why this happened to my husband." Jimmy bowed his head as the others looked on in startled embarrassment.  Mrs. Johnson continued, "'Cause it sure isn't the money. He works three extra jobs just so we can keep our kids in a decent school. The people honked their stupid horns and waved for one week two years ago and then went back to ignoring all of you! The city's heroes. But you're _not_ heroes. None of you! You're husbands and wives and sons and daughters! And, God help me, I don't understand why! Why you would want to do a job that leaves a wife to explain to her children why that monster in there is all that's left of their father! Can you do that? Any of you?!"

As she raged at them, looking at each of them in turn, the men wanted to look away but couldn't.  As she finished, Ruth Johnson said, "Because if you can't then just..just leave me the hell alone!"

There was stunned silence in the hallway, all the fire personnel assembled unsure of what to say.  Ruth started weeping into her hand, her shoulders shaking, as the nurse came out of Lt. Johnson's room.  "We're ready to go."

Doc started towards the door.  "Let's get him moving."

They wheeled the lieutenant out, Doc and DK walking along side the gurney, Walsh and Jimmy following.  DK reached out to grasp Lt. Johnson's good hand as they walked.  As they reached the doors Walsh reached out to touch Lieu one last time.  Jimmy stopped in the doorway, watching as the others walked the lieutenant to the helicopter.

Walsh and DK helped load the gurney into the helicopter while Doc assisted Mrs. Johnson with getting in.  They both exchanged looks with Doc before walking away, heading back into the hospital in silence.

Sully was trailing Bosco back to the lounge when he saw a red headed blur slam into the other male and push him against the wall.  Shocked, Sully watched as Liz pressed her arm into Bosco's throat, holding him against the wall with her other hand gripping the front of his shirt and her body pressed against his.

For his part, Bosco was stunned by the attack for a moment so he didn't move, when he felt the woman's knee pressing into his groin area he went very still.  He looked down into Liz Magnuson's furious eyes and actually felt scared.

"You son of a bitch," she hissed, her face just inches from his. "You got yourself in a jam and you went to Faith, knowing she didn't want anything to do with you.  You went to her because you knew she couldn't say no to you."

Bosco couldn't say anything because Liz was starting to cut off his air supply, but when he started to move to release the pressure she pressed her knee harder into his groin.  The sharp pain made him go still again.  He turned pleading eyes to Sully.

Sully had seen Bosco's face start to redden and he saw the man jerk with the pain Liz was applying to his nether regions and he was torn.  A part of him understood Liz's rage but he knew he had to end this before it got out of hand.  He came forward and tried to pull Liz off Bosco, which proved harder than he expected.  Liz had a tight grip on Bosco's shirt and she made herself limp which made it harder for Sully to pull her off and put more weight on Bosco.  Sully could see that Bosco was now in great distress and he hollered, "Liz, that's enough!"

DK had been around the corner and heard Sully yell so he came running.  His mouth dropped open when he saw what was transpiring but he rushed forward to help Sully.  DK wrapped his arms around Liz's waist, lifting her up and away from Bosco.  Bosco doubled over as Liz struggled with both Sully and DK and the men found they were having a hard time holding her.

"If anything more happens to her you better learn to hide, little man, because I'll be hunting you down, you little bastard," Liz growled out.  She stopped struggling with Sully and DK so abruptly the men knocked heads.

"You okay, Bosco?" Sully asked, slightly winded from wrestling with Liz.

"Of course he's okay, he didn't get shot," spat Liz.

"That's enough, Liz," ordered Sully, his face going hard.  "He could press charges against you for this."

"Let him, I take full responsibility for my actions which is something he doesn't know how to do." With that Liz  shook off Sully's and DK's hands before turning on her heel and walking away.  DK looked at Sully for a moment before following her.

"You sure do know how to piss people off, don't you, Bosco," Sully stated, reaching over to take Bosco's arm.  "Come on."

Sully supported Bosco back to the lounge since the younger man was still a little unsteady on his feet.  

DK caught up to Liz when she stopped to lean her hands against a wall, head bowed.  When he touched her shoulder he felt her trembling but he wasn't sure if it was still with anger or something else.  He puts his hands on both her shoulders and began to rub, trying to be soothing.  He was startled when her knees seemed to give out and she went down, him with her.  

Liz turned to face him, pulling her knees in tight against her chest, resting her back against the wall.  DK wasn't sure what she was thinking, her face showed no expression at the moment.  It was only when he looked in her eyes he saw the pain.  "I'm sorry, Derek," she whispered.

"For what? Hurting Bosco?  A lot of us have wanted to do that from time to time."  
            The comment got a ghost of a smile out of her before Liz became serious again.  "No, I'm sorry I fell apart like that.  I came down to comfort Sully and you and Walsh and here I am making you take care of me."  She paused, a rueful smile crossing her lips, "Actually making you take control of me."

"Just remind me to never piss you off."

"Don't worry, it doesn't happen often."

DK gave her a small smile.  "Glad to hear it.  You okay?"

"Not really but no one around here is, are they?"  
            Instead of answering DK just stood, pulling Liz up with him so he could wrap his arms around her, holding her close.  They stood that way for a long time, taking comfort from each other.

Sully was sitting in a chair, his arms crossed, wondering what stupid thing Bosco was going to do next when Swersky came back in.

"You can go," Swersky barked at Bosco as he entered, letting the door drift shut behind him.  He glanced at Ty sitting off to the side before turning back to Bosco.  

"I can?" asked Bosco in disbelief.

"I just placed Sgt. Cruz in custody."

That got everyone's attention.  Bosco looked like he couldn't believe it.  "She admitted it?"  
            "She's not saying anything but she didn't deny it.  Right now that's good enough for me."  He frowned at his officer.  "And don't go far, Bosco, IAB's  gonna want to talk to you and there'll be a hearing on the shooting."

"I'll either be home or here."

"What happened to you?"  Swersky had just noticed the mark on Bosco's face.

"Nothin'."

Sully finally looked up when he felt Swersky's scrutiny.  "The prisoner go out of line, sir."  Turning to look away he continued, "He wanted to know why he had to stay in here and I told him to never question the lieutenant's orders."

Sully could see Swersky was still standing there out of the corner of his eye.  Finally the lieutenant walked away, leaving the room through another door.  Sully was surprised when Bosco suddenly grabbed his coat and headed to the door.  "Where are you going?"

"To check on Faith."

Not believing what he was hearing, Sully stood to confront Bosco.  "What is wrong with you?"

"I have to."

"I'm going to strongly suggest you don't bother that family."

"I have to know how she is, Sully."

"Then ask Proctor to call the house and let us know if there's any change."  Sully watched as Bosco mulled his words over.  As the younger man turned to go Sully added, "He doesn't want you there.  Respect his wishes for once."

Bosco thought for a moment before asking, "You guys take me back to the house?"  
            Nodding, Sully answered, "Yeah.  I gotta go find someone first then we can go. Why don't you guys head out to the RMP."

Ty and Bosco nodded in agreement and left while Sully went in search of Liz.

Walsh stared at the coffee cup in his hand. He hadn't really wanted it but it gave his hands something to do. The helicopter had been gone about twenty minutes and he wasn't sure if he should leave or wait around.  He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his arm.  He looked up to see Liz and DK standing there.

"Hey, how you holdin' up?" Liz asked quietly.

"Okay."

He knew Liz wasn't buying it by the look on her face.  She reached out to hug him while he tried to keep from spilling coffee on her.  DK came to his rescue by taking the cup from his hand.  Walsh hugged Liz back, holding her tightly, burying his face in her hair so DK couldn't see.  Liz finally pulled back, looking up at him.  "I'm going to head home before I get myself in anymore trouble.  If you need me, call me or come over, anytime.  You understand?"

"Yeah, thanks."  
            Liz just gave him a quick kiss in reply before slipping from his arms.  She took DK's hand with her good one before they walked towards the entrance, Walsh watching them go.  He wished his wife was there for a moment before he went back to his brooding thoughts.

Sully kept watching Bosco in the rear view mirror, worried about his silence.  "You okay back there, Bosco?"

"Yeah."

"You know, this thing with Faith-all the stuff her old man said-nothing's ever one person's fault," Sully told him, trying to ease the younger man's guilt some.

"You haven't spent enough time around me," Bosco stated quietly.

Just then Sully noticed the flashing lights behind them as a siren gave out a squawk.  "What the hell is this?"

Ty and Bosco both looked over their shoulders to see what was behind them as Sully added, "Someone wants us to stop."

"Looks like some kind of police vehicle," Ty replied.

Sighing, Sully grumped, "This had better be good because I'm not in the mood."

He turned the corner before pulling the squad car over to the curb.  He rolled down Bosco's window so the man could let himself out of the back as he and Ty climbed out of the front.  A man in a suit holding a badge up came walking towards them.  "Roy Lane, FBI."

"FBI?" echoed Ty.

"Wow, look at the size of those ID badges," quipped Sully, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  "Those come with Cracker Jacks?"

Agent Lane ignored Sully, turning to Bosco.  "We'd like you to come with us."

Sully didn't like the sound of that.  "What for?"

Agent Lane finally acknowledged him.  "How 'bout you mind your own damn business."

"Are you gonna pull me over in the middle of the night like some skell and tell me to mind my own damn business? I tell you what, Roy Lane FBI, why don't you kiss my ass!"  
            "Sully!" broke in Bosco.

"What, Bosco?  They're FBI, they got no jurisdiction in this.  This is a city matter, tell them to stuff it."

Bosco gave Sully a tired look.  "Sully, I appreciate what you're saying but I want to talk to them. Go back to the house."

Sully couldn't believe his ears, Bosco was stupid enough to want to talk to the FBI.  Now he knew Bosco had lost it.  

"They'll drop me off at the office," he heard Bosco tell Ty and he caught the dubious look his partner gave him in return.  Bosco turned back to him.  "Go ahead."

Not wanting to leave Bosco to his stupidity, Sully looked from Bosco to Agent Lane then to the other agents standing there.  Finally, he gave in.  "Suit yourself," Sully said as he turned to get back in his squad.

As Ty climbed in Sully remarked, "FBI, those are some treacherous sons-of-bitches right there."

He shook his head as he pulled away, hoping Bosco knew what he was doing.  His headache started to pound and he could hear the blood thumping in his ears because his partner was silent beside him.

DK and Walsh were quietly debating between themselves if they should head out when Nurse Proctor approached them.  Jimmy came over when he saw her walk up.  "Guys, is the rest of your house still here?"

Walsh looked around, seeing Logan and Ramsey down the hall.  He whistled, motioning for them to come over. Seeing Proctor with them, Logan and Ramsey jogged over, wondering what news the nurse had.  Logan informed them that Jericho had just left.  They all looked expectantly at Nurse Proctor.

For her part, Proctor tried to keep her face a blank slate but failed.  When the look of sadness came over her face the men collectively went tense.  "Gentlemen," she said softly, "I'm sorry.  Lt. Johnson didn't make it."  
            "What?" cried Jimmy.  "What happened?"

Proctor gave them each a sympathetic glance as she said, "He coded in the helicopter.  They're on their way back here if you want to escort him off the copter, in about ten minutes." She paused again.  "I'm really sorry."

"Thanks, Mary," said Logan quietly.  

Proctor nodded before turning to leave.  The five men stood in silence for a moment, avoiding looking at each other.  They all jumped when Ramsey finally said, "Let's go bring him home."

They headed out to the helicopter pad.

Ty was tying his shoes while Sully watched.  Sully couldn't take it any longer.  "Will you talk to me?"

Straightening up to put his other shoe on, Ty said, "About what?"

"Why are you pretending like Taylor doesn't bother you?"

Ty glanced at him before looking away.  "You got it all figured out, huh?  Don't play psychologist, you're not that good at it."

Sully knew not to take his partner's words to heart, Ty was just trying to put him off.  He replied, "You know you wouldn't let me get away with not talking about it."  He looked pleadingly at his partner.

For his part, Ty knew what his partner said was true, which he acknowledged by glancing at Sully.  He stood up, shutting his locker before picking up his jacket, his back to Sully.  "She came to see me in the hospital when I was hurt."  He started slipping on his coat.  "She was there when my mom came by.  I introduced her as one of the guys."

He finished putting on his coat before turning to Sully with a small, humorless laugh.  "Can you believe that?  One of the guys.  I was ashamed to be going out with a white girl, I didn't want my mom to know."

The room was silent as he reached down to grab some clothes off the bench.  "I was ashamed so I humiliated her.  That's when we became past history."  He paused.  "I don't deserve to feel bad about her dying."

            He finally turned to look at Sully.  "She was a way better person than I think I'll ever be."  With that last statement he left the room.

            Sully stood in silence, feeling for his partner but unsure what to do.  He'd heard the pain in Ty's voice, no matter how much the younger man tried to hide or deny it.  After a moment he slowly finished dressing in his street clothes.  He walked out of the locker room with a tired mind and a heavy heart.

            The men of Squad 55 walked silently to the chopper after the rotor stopped, Logan carrying an American Flag he'd snagged off the engine.  Doc opened the door as they approached then helped Mrs. Johnson step down, leading her towards the hospital doors.  Logan and DK climbed into the chopper to drape the flag over their fallen leader with  DK noting idly that all the tubes and monitors had already been removed.  They released the hooks keeping the gurney in the helicopter then turned it so the others could help lift it out.  

            Once the gurney was out and the wheels lowered, each man put a hand on the rails and slowly started pushing it inside.  They followed the path the others had taken with Taylor, the supervisor following the subordinate for that one last time.

            Sully couldn't sleep.  Every time he closed his eyes he could see the flash of the explosion then hear Lt. Johnson's screams of pain when he landed.  His partner's words echoed in his head when he was still so he was up, pacing.              

            He thought about calling Liz or Maggie to talk but then decided it was too late at night.  He didn't even know if Liz was home yet or still at the hospital with the firefighters.  Thinking of Liz made him remember how she attacked Bosco and how hard it had been to pull her off.  Her ferocity had actually scared him a little and he wasn't even the target of her ire.  A part of him felt for Bosco but it was a very small part.  He was more disgusted by everything that Bosco told him about what lead up to the shooting  and was angry at Bosco for being so stupid.  Despite the anger he knew he'd help Bosco any way he could.

            Then there was Faith.  He still hadn't gotten word yet about her condition but at least what Dr. Hickman had told Fred had sounded encouraging.  He didn't relish the recovery Faith was going to have to endure to come back.  

            Sully finally decided to give up on sleep and get some coffee.  He got dressed then headed to the all night coffee shop around the corner.

            Unable to sleep, Walsh moved from room to room, the silence of the empty house pressing down on him.  He wished now he had asked Mandy to come home, he really needed to feel her arms around him.  As he walked the feelings intensified inside him until he had to do something to release the pressure.  He was in the kitchen and spotted a vase on the counter which he picked up, throwing it across the room to smash apart against the wall.  

            He slowly slid down against the cabinets to sit on the floor, feeling as broken inside as the vase in pieces across the room.

            DK had intended to go home but his subconscious and his car had other ideas.  When he looked around he realized he was in Liz's neighborhood so he headed there, actually relieved he had come there.  As he got out of the car he looked at the windows to see if there was any life inside.  He couldn't see any lights on in the early morning light but that didn't deter him from ringing the doorbell.          

            It wasn't long before Liz opened the inside door then opened the screen door to let him in.  She didn't say a word, just took his hand to lead him upstairs to her bedroom.  Liz was in her nightgown but when DK glanced at the bed he could see she hadn't been in it yet.  As she pulled back the covers DK slipped out of his shoes, jeans, and shirt, folding them neatly and putting them on one of the chairs.  He crawled under the covers with Liz, letting her pull him into her arms.  He rested his head on her shoulder, sighing.  After a few minutes of silence DK told her quietly, "Lieu didn't make it."

            Liz stroked DK's hair as she replied softly, "I'm sorry, Derek."

            DK didn't answer, just wrapped his arms more tightly around her.  Liz continued to stroke his hair and his arm, offering her support.  After a few minutes DK began to tremble then a sob escaped his lips.  Liz held him until he quieted then drifted off to sleep.  She kissed his forehead then fell asleep as well.


End file.
